Let me just say up front that we will be referring to body parts in this article. If that will freak you out, this is your chance to close your browser window and skip this week’s post. It’s ok, go ahead and bail.
Let’s also get the terminology straight here. We will be referring to male parts as a penis and testicles and the girl parts as a vagina and ovaries. These are their real names. Learn to use them.
Ever heard the phrase “grow a pair”? I bet you have. Let’s talk about why that’s not the best phrase to use and what you could be saying instead.
For the non-native English speakers among us, the phrase “grow a pair” refers to male testicles. It is meant as a way to say “be courageous”. It implies that if you’re going to be strong you have to be male or show male characteristics.
Urban dictionary defines it as “‘Telling someone they don’t have the balls that they SHOULD have to do something ‘manly'”.
I call BS on that notion. The Girls Can’t WHAT? Site is full of courageous women, but that is just a side note for the moment.
So basically when you say “grow a pair” you’re telling that person to “be a man”. You’re reinforcing the stereotype that men are stronger and more courageous. Anyone who has read through this site knows that women are equally as strong and courageous. It’s a gender stereotype that needs to be put to rest.
So next time you feel the need to say “grow a pair” to someone, you might want to specify whether that should be a pair of testicles or a pair of ovaries.
34 comments
Abby
In my school last year no one had ever said that. Instea they went around saying “calm your tits” and that was in 6 th grade!
gretchen
Abby – that response from your classmates is just as bad. It infers that girls are ll about drama and get overly excited. That is simply not true.
grace
Say instead as a woman you are very strong..you can do it and no one should tell you otherwise.
I am learning that in America there are so many stereotypes against girls…just like the rest of the world.
I got a vagina and a uterus and I got a brain and I can use them all…thank you very much. I need no balls.
Lily Duffy
What about the unfair stereotypes against men, in how they need to be tall, handsome, smart and gentlemen like to even have a chance of getting to talk to them. me being a girl i feel like school is built for us and its definitely favours woman. its women who use the term “grow a pair” as they aren’t man enough, which is highly unfair as men then bottle up their emotions and “manning up.” if you don’t believe me search up “male tears.”
Then you may then open your minds to the possibility that your lives are better than men’s as no one talks about the male depression and suicide rates that are sky high along with the prison rates where men get charged for the same crime as a woman but gets a much lesser sentence. and you moan about the pay gap and how men “get more money” but are fine with this blatant hypocrisy that you feminists bloody preach about but completely breach your own moral codes. be ashamed of your selves
this generation has been brainwashed by you leftists. I’m a 18 year black woman who realises how privileged you are. Stop being hypocritical and playing the victim card.
P.S. Get a bloody sense of humour while you’re at it.
joemumma
wow, deep, i like it :)
Diane DiFrancesco
Oh Gretchen,
This makes me howl!
I worked in manufacturing plants on the floor where it was 95% blue collar guys. It was OK though, because I was a new young women manager and there was a basic personnel respect expectation that was enforced (Procter & Gamble, Mehoopnay, PA and Huntsville, AL, circa late 70’s, early 80’s).
In my experience when this was said to me or anyone, I had a 3 step approach:
1. I would respond that I have a pair, their internal and made of gold. That usually shut them up.
2. If not, I’d remind them that referring to sexual gonads on our manufacturing floor was not germane and not appropriate.
3. And if that also didn’t work, I’d write them up for sexual harassment – that always shut this kind of inappropriate language down. And I was always backed up by my bosses.
Working as an engineer “in a man’s world” (my father’s word’s, not mine) is a challenge. It’s gotten better. Since I joined this technical workforce in the ’70’s, the percentage of women engineers has doubled from 5% to 10%. Engineering is still one of the unbalanced professions, not due to women’s inability to do the work, but the still pervasive attitude that girls aren’t good in science and math. This is BULL and I’m living proof.
Leanne Chesser
I love this post and the comments as well! I appreciate Marie Forleo when she makes statements like these (grow a pair or cajones), but refers to ovaries. I also like Betty White’s quote: “Why do people say ‘grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding” (not that it’s OK to demean either gender). I also COMPLETELY agree about using the correct terminology :). Thanks for drawing people’s attention to the stereotypes behind our words and how these statements are derogatory to women.
gretchen
Leanne – I had heard that quote before but never realized Betty White was the originator. Hearing it in her voice makes it sound even better!
Sher
Would be nice, but Betty White didn’t actually say this (check out Snopes. And I just told a guy in his 60’s to grow a pair…because I’ve known him since childhood as a neighbor and he’s still crying the same as he did back then. So, maybe it’s pc, but the guy truly is not courageous. Women are. We push babies out of our vaginas…oftentimes without any pain meds. I’m talking physiology here, because I’m a med-pro. But when I see a gang of 60 yr. old guys picking on a 60 yr. old woman who is more courageous than all of the “men” together….I think some courage is definitely missing in their mitochondrial DNA.
Amy Putkonen
I love this. I never really thought about it like that but you are right! Good catch!
Aiyana
Hi Gretchen. I just want to say that my mom told me about this website and I haven’t checked it out much until now. I loved this article. I will be reading more of your blogs and everyone else’s. Last year, I lived on campus in an all-girls hall, so I decided to be a feminist. I find feminism to be very cool. I always thought someone who said this phrase was just teasing you or trying to get your esteem down, but it’s usually the second way. I hope that women can banish these stereotypes from their minds about being a housewife, overly emotional even though we’re only like that because we want to say what’s on our mind. Again, thank you for writing this article.
gretchen
Thank you Amy and Aiyana!
Alice
I consider myself a feminist but I think you’re overreacting here. Isn’t feminism about equality? I use terms that the dictionary says are for a specific gender, for both genders. I say men are sluts when the more common term would be player. And I say to women to grow a pair if they need to toughen up. This blog is in my opinion exactly the kind of feminism that causes people to think feminism is dirty phenomenon. The kind of feminism that frowns upon men, that think that men are bad. Now I may be overreacting here, but jeez, it’s just an expression! It doesn’t neccesarily meen that you should become more manly, or that man need to be tough.
And besides, you could also interprete it as grow a pair of tits.
gretchen
Alice – we’re not anti-men here – far from it. The point here was just looking a little deeper into that saying and pointing out that when you compare the anatomy, telling someone to “grow a pair” in terms of men’s parts, it didn’t stack up when compared to the female equivalent. I was really just trying to get people to think (literally) about what they are saying instead of just repeating catch phrases they hear.
Alfredo
Grow a pair.
Argolus
Please… Women have ovarian pair and therefore progesterone that supposedly grant courage (testosterone supposedly grant courage). Cf Dr Jean Gautier.
Grow a brain… Or at least a knowledge.
Lily Duffy
It was obviously a bloody joke stop taking every thing seriously
DondeRob
Sure, some women are stronger then the average man. But the (physically) strongest person is a man. And on average men are stronger then women. Look at any sport where physical strength is a factor, the man always score higher. Again, there are plenty of women that are a lot stronger, faster, whatever then the average man, but those are extremes. Man are stronger then women. Always were, always will be.
Aaron Shrayer
Wtf does that have to do with the topic? We are talking about bravery, not physical strength.
Mark
It is sad that while your sisters in primarily Islamic states are being murdered, raped, having their VAGINAS mutilated and having their CLITORIS cut off, you are sitting here TRYING to be offended by outdated slang. Western feminism in my opinion,is no longer trying to gain equal rights, it is pushing for special treatment. Every single time a feminist is being interviewed on TV or in the paper, they are trying so hard to find offense in whatever the interviewer is saying, especially if that interviewer is male. Feminism in the west, though once a noble and highly supported (by me) cause, it has become a religion (in a strictly allegorical sense). I honestly fail to see what your article is trying to achieve. Writing in such a tone about a predominantly male slang which happens to be one that does not directly nor by secondary implication put women down is absolutely useless. Though it is true that there is a large number of sexist jokes and slang, nonetheless it is my and the rest of the male gender’s right to use it freely and with our judgement of its discretion, restricted only by common courtesy and manners, NOT law. You as a female have every right to do the same, and women indeed have their share of snide remarks and anti-male oriented humor, and as it may be to your surprise, I am completely and utterly content with that. If you care to demonstrate equality, I kindly request that you write another article about something women commonly say about men, and make a point for them to stop doing so. A good example is “Men think with their PENISES”. Though doing so (along with this article) will yield no results, at least you have demonstrated that you do indeed wish to be in the same boat.
To you a good day,
Mark
Kab
The article is saying that telling women to grow a pair is sexist because it indicates that women being brave and courageous are acting like men and that bravery is solely a male trait. This is offensive, not highly, but it still is. You’re right, it is outdated, so it should no longer be used. This saying probably originated during the time when men were the only ones who were expected to be brave. Nowadays however women are called upon to be brave also, so bravery is no longer equivalent to being a man.
Mr. Pork
HAHAHA Science says men on average are stronger than women, it’s not just a stereotype. Just sayin’.
Annalise McCoy
While men are physically stronger that doesn’t mean that they are more capable then women. It’s true that maybe this article is kinda stretching the who feminist thing, there are much larger sexist issues occurring in other countries. Usually when people say ‘grow a pair’ they are not talking about ones physical ability; they are talking about mental/moral ability. For example I was struggling with breaking off a relationship and my friend said to ‘just grow a pair and call it off’ she wasn’t being offensive or anything, she was just saying that I need to ‘man up’. While that is sexist because there is NO scientific proof that men are braver or more upfront then women, I didn’t find it offensive. So I see what you mean when you say that men are just physically stronger then women, however usually that is not what is ment by that phrase.
Ugly Truth
It’s obvious you can’t grow balls but sadly it seems you can’t grow a brain either. Men are from Mars and wemen are from Venus. They are born with their differences. Learn to appreciate for what they are rather than trying to equate. Men are different from women – for a reason. Period.
thomas2053
nice!
thomas2053
so your saying that girls are as strong as men?! you ain’t right in the head! completely NOT true, look at them bodybuilders, don’t girls seem a little MASSIVE bit smaller!?
Mirabelle
hi! Please refrain from using the phrase “male parts” as a phrase for the testes/penis. Some women (transgender women) have a penis, and using those phrases reduces them to their genitals. Vice versa for trans men. Thank you!
Zephaniah Greenwell
“Let me just say up front that we will be referring to body parts in this article. If that will freak you out, this is your chance to close your browser window”… turn off your computer, unplug it, light it on fire, and throw it out the window. This is the internet. Seriously, how have you lasted this long?
Janis
“Have some courage” pretty much nambi-pambifies the sentiment. I’m all ears for alternatives. All I can think of is an addition, say, like, “Grow a pair, cut one off and shoot already.”
The danger of the phrase, IMHO, isn’t so much the the sexist implication so much as it is an expression of unrecognized impatience. There is a testosterone issue here: for good or ill, young boys tend to be louder and more disruptive. When young girls can’t shout over them, repeatedly, they adapt by forming smaller groups and fewer, more intimate relationships in order to feel heard. Maybe instead of using the phrase with our mouths, we turn it around and remind ourselves to grow a pair of ears.
Random boy
Grow a pair and write something useful. And to all the females that agree with the blog and writing long posts, way to emphasize your love for drama, giving people a good reason to say calm your tits and shit.
Margaret
Calm your boner dude! So defensive, so aggresive.
Joe Avragepoulos
Those who say “never say grow a pair” seriously need to grow a pair.
But maybe wom– little girls really can’t take it. They’re fragile, sweet little things and we should make every effort to not hurt their feelings with our dirty mouths.
It’s time for a new feminism that accepts that wo/girls are delicate flowers that need to be put in a pedestal and treated like the princesses they are. Old-fashioned feminism had that girls were equally strong, not needing to cry for every little thing, but this is simply wrong, it ignores girl’s inherent emotional frailty.
Only an over-protective, smothering motherly society, will be able to help girls achieve all the dreams their hearts desire. ♥♥♥♥♥♥
Never say “grow a pair”, but “put your princess crown/tiara”. Wear it and start giving orders to the world, just yell for what you’re entitled to — which is, absolutely anything, you’re all princesses of the whole world.
Nate
If you’re told to grow a pair, own it. Both females and males have gonads -Males/testicles. Females/ovaries. Growing a pair is as sexist as you allow it to be. Literally, woman CAN and do grow a pair!
Women and their allies have many battlefields to achieve victory on. Might as well skip the battle and enjoy the victory biology gave you on this one. Balls For All!!!
Stel
I said it to my exboyfriend, because he was degrading me as a woman not accepting reality…to act as a man for once. Oh, sometimes one needs to say it in RARE occasions.