My youngest daughter started softball last year. One evening on our way to the game she asked “Mom, if I hit a home run, will you buy me a Nintendo DS?” Hmm. That was a tough one. My wallet didn’t want to commit to that as a reward, but at the same time I didn’t want to squelch her dream. I told her I’d think about it and get back to her.
As I sat through the game, watching her walk and then strike out twice, I almost decided that if I said yes to her idea then I would be setting her up for failure. But part of me was saying “why not?” If she wants a Nintendo DS and that reward would help her focus and be motivated then why not go for it? The more I thought about it, the more I realized there was more than one way for her to succeed.
Kirstie is small and tough. She can swing the bat pretty hard, but her chances of getting the ball into the outfield are pretty slim. Getting a home run in the traditional sense is probably not going to happen until she is a little older. However, there is more than one way to get a home run. Especially in girls pee-wee league softball. ;) When Kirstie got back in the car, I told her the deal was on.
A couple games later after a base hit and more strike outs, Kirstie came back to the bleachers in near tears saying it was going to be impossible to get a home run. I had been waiting for this opportunity. I pulled her aside and pointed out that she didn’t have to hit the ball as hard as the bigger girls to score a home run. All she had to do was pay close attention to what was happening once she did get a good hit. Girls at her age are not the best ball handlers and errors are a standard part of the game. I told Kirstie if she would focus on just getting a hit, she had pretty good odds that they would fumble the play enough for her to keep going around the bases. If she stayed alert and ran hard, she could keep moving – all the way to home plate. I also explained to her that this option was risky… there was no guarantee that those circumstances would ever come to pass. She accepted my explanation and just before heading back to her teammates, I reminded her that she had been saving her allowance and would soon have enough to get that Nintendo on her own. No waiting for the right play.
A Nintendo DS costs $129. At that time, Kirstie had saved about half that amount and by the time the season ended, she would have pocketed a little more from allowances and when her birthday hit in the following month, she could collect enough birthday money to buy it herself. She wanted that home run shortcut, but she also recognized the big picture of slowly and steadily moving toward her goal on her own. Hitting a home run not only relied on her abilities, but it depended on the skill (or lack of skill) from the opposing team. She knew if she focused on her goal she could save the money and buy it herself. Even with the possibility of taking a shortcut to her prize, she continued to save her allowance and turned down opportunities to buy candy and small toys, reminding us all that she was saving for that Nintendo.
At the end of the season, Kirstie had improved her batting and running skills, but the best she did was making it to second base when the shortstop overthrew the ball to first. Kirstie still looked for shortcuts, ran hard and did her best to “win” that prize, but in the end it didn’t happen the way she envisioned. Again I reminded her that relying on other people to reach your dreams doesn’t always pan out. Sometimes the best course is the one you plot alone. Sometimes it takes longer and costs more, but in the end you have not only gained the prize yourself, but you gain self-esteem and the knowledge that you can achieve whatever you want to achieve.
In September of last year, Kirstie became the happy owner of a metallic rose Nintendo DS, purchased with her own money. She was thrilled and is very proud to be able to say she bought it herself. She didn’t have to wait until she was bigger nor did she have to rely on the mistakes of others to grant her the opportunity to succeed. She kept focused on the goal and was aware of potential shortcuts, but never once did she opt to spend any of her money on even the tiniest piece of candy. She knew that saving her own money was the one avenue she could control and that made the victory even sweeter.
Whenever I am reviewing my goals and my projects list, I am often reminded of the home run deal. I ask myself “Am I waiting for the right play?” If the answer is yes and if the goal is stalled because I am waiting on something beyond my control, then I work on brainstorming ways to become less dependent on the “errors” of the the other team and plot my own steady course toward success.
Oh and this season… Kirstie wants a tv set for her room. ;)
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