If there was an Island of Misfit Toys for Moms and Homemakers, I’m confident I would have a permanent residence there. In fact, I think I might even be the mayor or at least I’d be on the city counsel, that’s for certain. If I didn’t live there all year round, it would at the very least be my winter home, especially during the holidays. I just don’t fit in.
It’s this time of year when the Martha Stewarts of the world shine and those of us who couldn’t string a piece of popcorn to save our lives (much less manage to microwave a bag without scorching it) run for cover. It’s not that we don’t like the shinyness of the season, it’s just that we have no desire to do all the traditional embellishments that are expected from women.
I think this post is arising from a scary Thanksgiving day conversation from my in-laws who hinted that next year’s festivities should be at my house with the expectation that I cook the turkey. Do they realize that I can’t even get slice and bake cookies right? I don’t have the patience to wait for them so I wander off out of earshot of the kitchen timer and by the time I smell the smoke it’s too late to save them. True story – every time I bake them.
For me, decorating is a bore, I hate to shop for anything and well…we’ve discussed my cooking skills already. So I just want to set the record straight on this Holiday “tradition” and the expectations that are forced unwillingly upon the misfits like me every year.
Now don’t get me wrong…We do not love our families any less because we misfits don’t participate in the tinsel tagging and turkey trimming nor do we break out the good china for a meal. (I don’t even own any “good china”. What is that and why would I need it when my very lovely “every day” plates will do? They serve the same purpose so why be a dish snob?). I do understand that that all the holiday hoopla can be an expression of love, but we do not all express love in the same way. If you think we misfits are somehow dysfunctional because the bow on the package is crooked and we didn’t type up a 2-page Christmas letter and send it in a musical Hallmark card, you are mistaken. Be thankful we at least thought to put a bow on the package. ;)
I recently read a little saying that went something like this: If you can’t do something wholeheartedly, then you are better off doing something else that you can commit to 100%. I like that. So if I can’t commit to being 100% Martha, then what can I commit to doing? That’s easy. I’m getting there, I promise.
If you think that we misfits don’t love you because we don’t spend our entire holiday sweating it out in the kitchen, try to think about what we ARE doing and then reframe your definition of love. How many holidays have we spent fixing your VCRs, programming your cell phones and all the cool gadgets you received as gifts? How many holidays have we spent sitting by the fire while you picked our brains about buying your next computer or digital camera? Now let’s take “holiday” out of the equation. How many late night phone calls did we answer to help you get your computer rebooted? How many times did we set our own work aside to help you configure your network or setup a new printer? That’s our definition of love. That’s what we do and that’s what we can do wholeheartedly. That’s what we do for you all year long and even moreso during the holidays. Free of charge.
So if you want me to trim the turkey, pick the pet hairs off of the tape before I wrap the gifts, or pretend I enjoy holding hands and singing…then don’t be surprised when you get an invoice from me in your stocking. If I have to trade my version of love for yours then perhaps I should be getting paid for all my other work.
So if you need your Grinch to light up and sing “Deck the Halls” along with a computerized light display to annoy your neighbors, give me a call. You’ll find me basking on my plain, undecorated island with all the other misfits happily eating fruits (because we can’t burn those!) and enjoying a virus-free broadband network on our fully programmed laptops while we watch whatever we want because we would rather program a TIVO than gut a bird.
Happy Holidays :)
8 comments
gretchen
Grace – you are braver than me. I don’t even think I could handle a pre-cooked turkey. And the plantains sound yummy. I’ve had plantain chips and they are pretty good. Thanks for sharing your experience, Grace!
grace
Ha ha haaa…I am laughing my head out. I am in the states so far away from my extended family,so, no pressure. I am freeee to do what I choose. Last year I did buy an already cooked turkey, the year before I tried baking one ( too much work). This year, I could not bring myself,again, to carry that huge raw thing into my house but we wanted to at least eat turkey, so I bought some expensive ready made from the whole foods hot bar. But I did cook some all-so-winded-coconut-rice and baked plantains ( what are those?). I loved the whole experience-but then again it is just me and my kids and hus-B.
You know I am sort of both. I love technology but I do not get enough time to learn it fully–why–because I am busy cooking that new recipe I saw in a magazine. I love the smiles when I fix the TV or the computer and the smiles when the Indian spinach is oh,so,loved by the girls.
Love you Gretchen, just be you.
All the best.
Desiree'
As part of your family of in-laws, believe me when I say, I know the pain of their unrealistic expectations of us. I may not be a Martha Stewart or an AV Kid like you, but I do have my own unique qualities to offer. (I could pretty much give you trivial knowledge on nearly any movie, book or actor/singer out there.) I appreciate you for who you are and what you do for all of us.
Just as an aside, I injured myself quite nicely one year with scotch tape while wrapping gifts. Don’t ask me how, but it got stuck to the inside of my lip. Hysteria and blood loss insued.
kel1
I hear ya! I don’t do anything crafty because…well, it turns out like complete crap! I can throw together a pan of brownies or a green bean casserole from a recipe and will gladly bring it to the holiday festivities, but I’ve never trimmed a turkey. Working with raw meat actually grosses me out. It’s amazing that I’m not yet a vegetarian! :d
I am thankful that I have such generous, techy and Martha Stewart-y friends, because I don’t fit in EITHER of those categories. I don’t know what “category” I’m in, but hey, I’m just thankful the gifts are purchased and the Christmas baking got finished ahead of time! (That’s a rarity for me.)
gretchen
@Amy – Thanks and Merry Christmas to you too!
@Trina – and that is why I would pay you to come cook that Turkey for me next Thanksgiving…
@April – ooooh….hot glue….that brings back some nightmares. :-s
April (Desiree's friend)
I am so there! I consider myself accomplished when I mail ANY Christmas cards, and gift bags are much more my friend than wrapping paper. And I shudder at the memory of a Christmas MOPS meeting when we had to make little wooden angels with hot glue guns. Ugh. My hubby is one of the ones who is constantly helping someone with their network/printer/scanner/camera/computer etc. etc. etc., and we are lucky to not have to host any holiday dinners. I would be ready for a straitjacket. :)
Trina Fisher
Thank God for all of the misfits! I myself am a Martha Stewart. In fact, that is one of my nicknames. I may be able to cook and decorate with flair but you will never be able to call me and ask me to look at your motherboard or explain an RSS feed in laymen’s terms.
It takes all types and that doesn’t make you any less motherly, feminine or caring. If God wanted us to all be the same and have the same talents then He would have created us that way, but that is obviously not the case.
Without the help of two of my very close friends (one being the creator of this amazing site) I would have spent thousands in repairs on my own techy gadgets and I would have a lot more gray hair;)
So what’s the moral of my story? Just love your misfits folks…love your misfits
Amy Stephen
Nice. Agreed. :d
As it turns out, my husband is an excellent cook and one who does have the interest and patience for preparing meals.
Find your passion and go for it. In doing so, others can blossom, as well.
Merry Christmas, Gretchen.