Let me just say up front that we will be referring to body parts in this article. If that will freak you out, this is your chance to close your browser window and skip this week’s post. It’s ok, go ahead and bail.
Let’s also get the terminology straight here. We will be referring to male parts as a penis and testicles and the girl parts as a vagina and ovaries. These are their real names. Learn to use them.
Ever heard the phrase “grow a pair”? I bet you have. Let’s talk about why that’s not the best phrase to use and what you could be saying instead.
For the non-native English speakers among us, the phrase “grow a pair” refers to male testicles. It is meant as a way to say “be courageous”. It implies that if you’re going to be strong you have to be male or show male characteristics.
Urban dictionary defines it as “‘Telling someone they don’t have the balls that they SHOULD have to do something ‘manly’”.
I call BS on that notion. The Girls Can’t WHAT? Site is full of courageous women, but that is just a side note for the moment.
So basically when you say “grow a pair” you’re telling that person to “be a man”. You’re reinforcing the stereotype that men are stronger and more courageous. Anyone who has read through this site knows that women are equally as strong and courageous. It’s a gender stereotype that needs to be put to rest.
So next time you feel the need to say “grow a pair” to someone, you might want to specify whether that should be a pair of testicles or a pair of ovaries.
In my school last year no one had ever said that. Instea they went around saying “calm your tits” and that was in 6 th grade!
Abby – that response from your classmates is just as bad. It infers that girls are ll about drama and get overly excited. That is simply not true.
Say instead as a woman you are very strong..you can do it and no one should tell you otherwise.
I am learning that in America there are so many stereotypes against girls…just like the rest of the world.
I got a vagina and a uterus and I got a brain and I can use them all…thank you very much. I need no balls.
Oh Gretchen,
This makes me howl!
I worked in manufacturing plants on the floor where it was 95% blue collar guys. It was OK though, because I was a new young women manager and there was a basic personnel respect expectation that was enforced (Procter & Gamble, Mehoopnay, PA and Huntsville, AL, circa late 70′s, early 80′s).
In my experience when this was said to me or anyone, I had a 3 step approach:
1. I would respond that I have a pair, their internal and made of gold. That usually shut them up.
2. If not, I’d remind them that referring to sexual gonads on our manufacturing floor was not germane and not appropriate.
3. And if that also didn’t work, I’d write them up for sexual harassment – that always shut this kind of inappropriate language down. And I was always backed up by my bosses.
Working as an engineer “in a man’s world” (my father’s word’s, not mine) is a challenge. It’s gotten better. Since I joined this technical workforce in the ’70′s, the percentage of women engineers has doubled from 5% to 10%. Engineering is still one of the unbalanced professions, not due to women’s inability to do the work, but the still pervasive attitude that girls aren’t good in science and math. This is BULL and I’m living proof.
I love this post and the comments as well! I appreciate Marie Forleo when she makes statements like these (grow a pair or cajones), but refers to ovaries. I also like Betty White’s quote: “Why do people say ‘grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding” (not that it’s OK to demean either gender). I also COMPLETELY agree about using the correct terminology
. Thanks for drawing people’s attention to the stereotypes behind our words and how these statements are derogatory to women.
Leanne – I had heard that quote before but never realized Betty White was the originator. Hearing it in her voice makes it sound even better!
I love this. I never really thought about it like that but you are right! Good catch!
Hi Gretchen. I just want to say that my mom told me about this website and I haven’t checked it out much until now. I loved this article. I will be reading more of your blogs and everyone else’s. Last year, I lived on campus in an all-girls hall, so I decided to be a feminist. I find feminism to be very cool. I always thought someone who said this phrase was just teasing you or trying to get your esteem down, but it’s usually the second way. I hope that women can banish these stereotypes from their minds about being a housewife, overly emotional even though we’re only like that because we want to say what’s on our mind. Again, thank you for writing this article.
Thank you Amy and Aiyana!
I consider myself a feminist but I think you’re overreacting here. Isn’t feminism about equality? I use terms that the dictionary says are for a specific gender, for both genders. I say men are sluts when the more common term would be player. And I say to women to grow a pair if they need to toughen up. This blog is in my opinion exactly the kind of feminism that causes people to think feminism is dirty phenomenon. The kind of feminism that frowns upon men, that think that men are bad. Now I may be overreacting here, but jeez, it’s just an expression! It doesn’t neccesarily meen that you should become more manly, or that man need to be tough.
And besides, you could also interprete it as grow a pair of tits.
Alice – we’re not anti-men here – far from it. The point here was just looking a little deeper into that saying and pointing out that when you compare the anatomy, telling someone to “grow a pair” in terms of men’s parts, it didn’t stack up when compared to the female equivalent. I was really just trying to get people to think (literally) about what they are saying instead of just repeating catch phrases they hear.
Grow a pair.
Please… Women have ovarian pair and therefore progesterone that supposedly grant courage (testosterone supposedly grant courage). Cf Dr Jean Gautier.
Grow a brain… Or at least a knowledge.