Virginity Soap Needs Complimentary Shampoo

Posted by: gretchen on February 23, 2007 |

Just when I think I have heard it all, reader Lori Olson White writes “Hey - I’ve been reading your blog and wonder if you might have something to say about the use of so-called ‘virginity soap’ here in the Middle East. Here’s a link to my post on the topic. sandgetsinmyeyes.blogspot.com Thanks!”

Something to say? Oh yeah. I’ve got something to say…find me the guy who invented this stuff. I have a gift for him. In case you are wondering what virginity soap is, just click the link and read all about it on Lori’s blog. She paints a very detailed picture and her explanations are outstanding. I just think it’s a little unbalanced that this kind of thing exists for women and there is nothing for the men. I think it would only be fair to have a counterpart to “virginity soap”.

So I’m going to design a new men’s shampoo. When used properly, this shampoo will seep in through the scalp and in and wipe out these idiotic thoughts about women from their minds. It would be like scrubbing one’s brain with a Brillo pad and some bleach. There may be a slightly uncomfortable tingling sensation at first, but the benefits will be well worth it. Users of this shampoo should expect to see results immediately.

After using this product, consumers may should experience the following:

  • No longer see women as sex objects, but as human beings
  • Have mutual respect for all women
  • Consider Faithfulness an important value
  • Experience sex as an act of love, not an expected “right”
  • Have an uncontrollable urge to rid the world of products like virginity soap

Instructions:

  • Wash.
  • Rinse.
  • Repeat.

I’ll continue to work on the formula for this product, but I still need to come up with a good name for it. Any ideas?

6 Responses to “Virginity Soap Needs Complimentary Shampoo”

  1. 1. Kristen Says:
    February 23rd, 2007 at 9:33 pm

    Just use the ingredients of any old shampoo and throw in something that *tingles.* It’s not about the ingredients, it’s about the marketing and brainwashing. Make them feel they need to use it to be loved, lovable and worthy. Trouble is, to get men en masse to use a product, you gotta tell ‘em it’ll get them more or better sex, which defeats the whole purpose.

  2. 2. Paula The Surf Mom Says:
    February 23rd, 2007 at 10:27 pm

    Gretchen if you want to get to a man brain, putting your shampoo on his is head wont work… because that not were their brains are.

  3. 3. gretchen Says:
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:02 am

    @Kristen - so true, it would totally defeat the purpose. :-?

    @Paula - good point. :))

  4. 4. gretchen Says:
    February 24th, 2007 at 1:04 am

    On second thought, perhaps we could put this in a pill format for them. I’d call it “Viagra-vated”. :>

  5. 5. kel1 Says:
    February 24th, 2007 at 2:18 am

    *stands and applauds*

    Well, golly gee, I could think of a few possible names for your product, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to mention them here. LOL And I wouldn’t wanna lose my GCW status. :D

  6. 6. Denial and Bumps in the Road : Girls Can’t WHAT? Says:
    February 24th, 2007 at 11:41 pm

    [...] B. Anthony Think about THIS, woman: If we think it is horrid to prescribe to a woman “virginity soap” then how could pressuring her (directly or indirectly) to have an abortion be any less [...]

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