Before He Cheats (Lyrics)

Posted by: gretchen on December 12, 2006 |

Some HeartsI can’t seem to turn on the radio and NOT hear Carrie Underwood’s song “Before He Cheats” blaring through my speakers. At first, I really didn’t have an opinion on the song. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a powerful song. The emotion Carrie puts into her vocals is incredible and it was convincing enough to help earn her the title of Female Artist of the Year last month at the CMA awards in Nashville. “Before He Cheats” topped the Billboard charts last week at #1, but I really have a bone to pick with Ms. Underwood about the lyrics to this song. There’s just something not right about it.

Let’s review:

Right now he’s probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp,
and she’s probably getting frisky…
right now, he’s probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can’t shoot whiskey…Right now, he’s probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo…And he don’t know…
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats…
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires…Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.
Right now, she’s probably up singing some
white-trash version of Shania karoke..
Right now, she’s probably saying “I’m drunk”
and he’s a thinking that he’s gonna get lucky,
Right now, he’s probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo…
And he don’t know…
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats,
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires…
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.
I might saved a little trouble for the next girl,
Cause the next time that he cheats… Oh, you know it won’t be on me! Ohh… not on me…
Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats…
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires…
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.
Ohh.. Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats…
Ohh… before he cheats…
Ok, so she’s a tad bit angry. I get that.

She wants revenge. I get that.

She goes after his beloved vehicle and beats the crap out of it. I get that.

She’s trying to teach him a lesson. I get that.

But she carves her name into his leather seats? Seriously? I have a problem with that. I live by a motto that “you’re not in trouble unless you get caught” and signing your name to your handiwork is a sure-fire way to end up in the slammer.

First off, damaging the dude’s wheels is bad enough. You know the first thing that the police will ask Mr. Cheater is “do you have any known enemies?” Mr. Cheater will take one look at his smashed up ride and see HER NAME etched into his back rest. How smart is that? I mean, I’m all for being proud of your work and all, but hello? What are you thinking Ms. Underwood?

If you’re gonna go to all that trouble to make him pay for his trangressions, at least use some common sense and try NOT to get caught. What good would it do to take out all that aggression and then end up in jail for property damage? And no, I’m not condoning the violence here. If it were me, being the geek that I am, I would probably have emailed him a virus or hijacked his myspace and posted embarrasing pictures of him. Something that was vengefully sweet, but perfectly legal. Well maybe not legal, but I’d have a much lower chance of getting busted and nothing gets broken except his ego.

So what’s the lesson here? Um…uh…. don’t get caught? No, of course not. That an entirely different blog. The lesson here is use your head. Be smart. If you’re gonna do something like take a baseball bat to your boyfriend’s car, DON’T sign your name to it. Mr. Cheater may figure out that you’re the one who just hit a grand slam on him, but don’t make it so easy for the police.

And this is the part where I say “Kids, don’t try this at home. Violence is bad and you will get caught and go to jail…yada yada yada…blah blah blah.” Just use your head. And if you do decide to go for it, whether you sign your name or not, just make sure you mark some jail time on your calendar….because you can bet Mr. Cheater will be coming after you.

So Ms. Underwood, if you would be so kind as to run future recordings through me for proofreading first, I would appreciate it. I’m working on a revolution here and your little slip up has caused serious damage to my recruits. We are going to have to double up on our training exercises now to reverse the effects. Hopefully this post can set the record straight. “Don’t get caught.” Um, I mean “Be smart. Use your Head” Yeah, that’s it. Carry on.

1/27/07 Update: Just found the video on YouTube.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbvZlfTulYc]

Comments

15 Responses to “Before He Cheats (Lyrics)”

  1. lissaweeks on December 12th, 2006 10:58 pm
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    I’ll admit that the first time I heard this song, I just about fell on the floor, I was laughing so hard. After about the 10th time, I started wondering. Did I like this song? Did i dislike this song? Now Carrie Underwood is a great singer, but I was unsure about this song. I do crank up the radio and sign along when it comes on, I guess I do like the song, maybe not the lyrics so much. But I think it did warn the men in this world. So
    I’ll just take it for what its worth, another song that I know all the words to.

  2. AmyStephen on December 12th, 2006 11:00 pm
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    He sounds like a loser to me! Or, as I say to my kids who are dating - date someone worthy of you and be worthy of the one you are dating, as well.

    Let’s be honest. Guys like the one in this song do not all of the sudden turn out to be cheaters.

    Do not be in a hurry - savor your life and find someone worthwhile. Being alone is not bad and, trust me, being alone is *much* better than being with anyone who makes you consider doing anything like what is described in that song.

    No one needs to hurt like that.

    Cut your losses, lady, and next time, pick smarter! Wait for someone who wants you for the amazing person you are.

  3. gretchen on January 27th, 2007 8:59 pm
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    I just added the youtube clip of the song, and I laughed so hard at the end of the song when she is standing in the street and the wind is blowing and stuff is exploding all around her. That is a total spoof off of the Stephen King movie “Carrie”. Even the snapshot at 1:45 of the name “Carrie” carved into the leather seats looks very similar to the cover of the dvd. Hilarious!

    Oh yeah, and after seeing the video, I have to add one more piece of advice: Carrie, if you’re gonna toss the bat away once you’re done, at least be smart about it and wear gloves. Otherwise, you just left your fingerprints behind. Just trying to help you out here. ;)

  4. Most Popular Posts : Girls Can’t WHAT? Most Popular Posts on June 30th, 2007 1:01 am
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    […] Before He Cheats […]

  5. Guitar Hag on July 11th, 2007 12:30 pm
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    Loved it! Loved it! Loved it!

    The whole point…she wanted him to know it was her!
    Getting caught wasn’t the issue or her concern

    Kinda like Tawanda !!!lol

  6. gretchen on July 11th, 2007 12:33 pm
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    I realize the point was to let him know it was her..I just was just having a little fun with it. ;)

  7. missfashion usa1 on July 28th, 2007 8:54 am
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    i never was a country fan but this i loved it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo MUCH IT WAS MY RING TONE!!!!!! its so powerful its ahmzing! I

  8. missfashion usa1 on July 28th, 2007 8:56 am
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    but honestly its a good song not my favorite but i like it im more of a British music fan like Amy Winehouse Lily Allen Justin Timberlake Cristina Aguliera fan but before he cheats is soo good

  9. uroojfaiza on September 3rd, 2007 6:02 am
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    what to do with un faithful husband & when he clearly lies me & cheat me ???????

  10. Courtney Petrou-Bateman on October 27th, 2007 11:57 am
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    So is downloading this song to his I Tunes account count as bad? Or exporting about 1500 songs into his library by accident bad too?
    Now what to do about her????

  11. Kity on February 4th, 2008 4:08 pm
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    I LOVE CARRIE UNDERWOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT YOU KNOW EVERY WEBSITE I GO TO THAT HAS HER SONGS ON IT NEVER GIVES ANY CREDIT TO THE PERSON/PEOPLE WHO WROTE IT!!!! I MEAN COME ON IF IT WASN’T FOR THEM THERE WOULDN’T BE A SONG! OH WELL JUST ANOUTHER BATTLE NOT WORTH FIGHTING!!!
    KITY

    P.S. DID I MENTION THAT I LOVE CARRIE UNDERWOOD?!

  12. ninahhh la...ahhh on April 22nd, 2008 7:48 am
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    I love the song!! But I do agree carving your name into the leather seats is like sayin”… take ME to jail..” not a good move…. AND not to mention, “Mr. Can’t Keep His Pants Up”, will still be on next week’s episode of Cheaters!!!!
    SO… I agree with AmyStephen, find someone who will treat you like the queen you are, and be so afraid to lose you, that HE would’t let other girls come between you. That means HE has to be one of values and morals, because as I stated before, he’ll only be at it again…

    Not a real country fan, but dangit, I love Carrie’s country twang.. She will undoubedly be around a long time… Isn’t it funny how Simon Cowel predicted she will be the best selling artist from American Idol. When Carrie sang “Alone” by Heart, I knew it was a done deal!!!!

  13. Cristina on April 27th, 2008 12:37 pm
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    Haha. Let me be the first to say that when my boyfriend cheated on me (and then broke up with me on New Years Eve at 11PM), me and my girlfriends wrecked his car on New Years day.

    Needless to say, him and I don’t speak to eachother anymore.

    :)

  14. Cristina on April 27th, 2008 12:40 pm
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    OH! And as for getting caught: I admit, I did put “TINA WAS HERE” in red nail polish. However, I knew he wouldn’t run to the police. You see, at the time, I was 15 and he was 18. It was an illegal relationship to begin with.

    But I love life, now :)

  15. Ariel04 on April 27th, 2008 1:10 pm
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    He probably wont tell on her because he knows how mad she is. She probably doesnt even care if he tells. It was revenge in all.*-:)

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